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Unleashing Every Child’s Potential During the COVID 19 Crisis

Posted on by Kevin Miller

One of the few positives of the current COVID-19 crisis is all the people seeking positives. While there are countless downsides, this crisis does provide opportunities. One opportunity is to actually improve the learning, growth, and development of our children. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. The fact that nearly all schools are closed—and many will remain closed at least for the remainder of the school year—provides a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate just how much more our children can accomplish if given greater power over their own learning.

How can our children learn, grow, and develop better when they are unable to attend school? Because now we can put our children in charge of their own learning; and if they are in charge—if they have true power—they will then take responsibility.

WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY

Most of us are familiar with the above statement Uncle Ben made to Peter Parker (AKA Spider Man). What we often overlook is that the opposite is also true; with no power comes no responsibility. Think about that. When you have no power over something, you can’t be responsible for it. That doesn’t mean there are no consequences for something over which you don’t have power, but those consequences then become your reason for acting, not your sense of responsibility.

That’s what happens in schools. Children have to be in school and are told what they are supposed to learn, when they’re supposed to learn it, and how they will demonstrate their learning. Because they have no power over any of these decisions, they cannot be responsible for them. Even in schools that strive to give students “voice and choice”, the options are almost always limited in some way.

Thus, we offer rewards in the form of grades, gold stars, assemblies, trips, etc. for students to “learn.” And we threaten consequences in the form of additional classes, extra work, “interventions”, not being able to participate in sports or clubs, not participating in “reward” activities, or being held back for not “learning.”

We then put all sorts of conduct policies and procedures in place to control behavior because, again, students are forced to be there so cannot be “responsible” for how they behave. Instead, they behave based on offered rewards and threatened consequences. And, of course, many parents add their own rewards and consequences for “learning” and behavior.

Yet look what happens when children have real power over their choices. They demonstrate incredible responsibility. Whether it’s a sport, hobby, game, friendship, musical instrument, or even an academic subject. When it’s something about which they are passionate or maybe just interested and over which they have power and control, they will take responsibility for learning about it, caring about it, practicing it, and improving it. When immersed in it, they will conduct themselves with incredible maturity.

HARNESSING THE POWER-RESPONSIBILITY DYNAMIC

What if you could use this awareness about power and responsibility to have your children—or others’ children if you are a teacher, caregiver, or some other interested party—begin taking true responsibility for their own learning, growth, and development during the time schools are closed? What follows are insights and tools for doing exactly that.

First, I will respond to one objection many of you will make—that this will not work for kids who are only X years old, whether that’s five or 10 or some other age. Yes, it will work. A five-year-old with real power committed to some activity or decision will act more responsibly than most adults who are acting out of a sense of compliance (that is, based on rewards or consequences). In fact, beginning this with a toddler or younger child is much easier than starting with an older child who has adopted poor practices due to functioning in a compliance-centric environment.

Thus, I will begin by addressing the obstacles that will often arise and that will be more severe with older children than with younger ones.

THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE

The biggest obstacle or challenge to giving children power so they will take responsibility is relinquishing that power. As the adult in the relationship, you have to change your traditional role. There’s a fantastic book on this called “The Self-Driven Child” by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson that I highly recommend; they advocate for parents to approach this role as a “consultant”, and I will use that term here.

As a consultant, you have to make yourself an equal to your child rather than being superior. You are a consultant because you have valuable knowledge and life experiences from which children can learn, but you recognize that children have free will and must make and live with their own choices. The bonus of this approach is that it prepares children to function independently and interdependently in other situations.

The more traditional you have been with your children, the harder it will be to transition to the consultant role. It will be harder for you to relinquish power and it will be harder for them to believe they are being given power. But it is completely possible to make this transition and the most effective way to do it is to begin by partnering with the children on figuring out the transition.

THE NEXT BIGGEST OBSTACLE

The next biggest challenge is being completely honest with them. I know many of you are thinking, “I’m always honest with my children” (while some of you are smiling thinking, “Oh, no.”). In our traditional parent-child roles, we may always be honest when we say things, but we typically withhold a lot or spin what we say, though usually with good intentions.

However, if you are serious about relinquishing power to your children, you will need to be more open and forthcoming. Of course, you must still take into account the age and readiness for some things, but even then, you can talk to the child about not sharing everything “right now” and why. In reality, it is rarely such topics that are a concern. Rather, we tend to withhold or spin information for self-serving reasons.

THE FINAL BIG OBSTACLE

The last big obstacle is getting children to believe and trust they are being given this power. If they have been in a typical parent-child power relationship, they may think this is a test or that it will end at some point without warning. They may even test you to see if they have really been given power. This can require real patience on your part. You may need to bite your tongue. But here’s the thing; if you want what’s best for your children you will understand how much this will benefit them; that will allow you to commit to the process; once committed to the process, it will play out in awesome ways you won’t even expect.

Trust yourself and trust your children.

THE PROCESS IS AS VALUABLE AS THE OUTCOMES

The process of relinquishing power to your children will take quite a while, and that is more than okay. You and your kids will benefit as much from this process as they will benefit from taking responsibility for their own learning, growth, and development. So, don’t try to rush the process; and try to be super-patient to let the process play out.

Think of Daniel being trained by Mr. Miyagi in Karate Kid (if you haven’t seen the original from 1984, it’s worth a watch). The training begins with sanding and painting fences, waxing cars, and other mundane chores that seem totally unrelated to learning Karate, which is why Daniel is there. Then, when Mr. Miyagi starts the real Karate training, all that work pays huge dividends.

The same will occur with your children.

THE MEANS FOR GIVING CHILDREN TRUE POWER – PART 1

As noted previously, the book “The Self-Driven Child” provides a much more robust guide to doing this and I highly recommend it for every parent. What I will address is how to give children true power over their learning, growth, and development so that they will take personal responsibility for it.

One more caveat: bad habits will be hard to break. Children who apply themselves to their academics in order to comply with the demands of teachers and parents may have to learn how to apply themselves for their own intrinsic desires. This is where they can really use a consultant providing tips and guidance when they need it and are open to hearing it (not when the consultant wants to force it on them).

The first place for giving students power over their learning, growth, and development is identifying what they are going to learn and how they want to grow and develop. Ideally, this begins with some conversations about “what they want to be when they grow up.” Okay, not quite like that, but it should begin with a vision of the child in the future. While in general the younger the child the harder to imagine far into the future, this varies child to child.

Begin by having conversations about the future. Discuss your journey to your current situation in life including milestone events that helped set or change your path, mistakes made, lessons learned, people who influenced you, etc. Discuss the things you learned early that were helpful, things that were not helpful, and things you wish you had learned earlier. Invite your children to speculate on some of these things before sharing (i.e. “What do you think I really dreamed of being when I was 14?”; “What do you think was the most memorable thing that happened to me when I was eight?”).

Then work on getting your kids to talk about the journey they see before them. Ask them about their dreams and aspirations. Ask them what they’re interested in and what they’re truly passionate about. Ask them what’s important to them. Take their responses seriously and don’t be judgmental. Let them ask you questions and answer them honestly.

When the time seems right or as part of the conversations, start to discuss the knowledge and skills they want to learn and those they see as having value, even if they don’t necessarily want to learn them. Work together to develop a list of knowledge and skills they believe would be worth learning. Be all inclusive; don’t limit this to academics but include hobbies, sports, music, video games, other games, acting, programming, and really anything else. In your consultant role, help them to see the value in skills they may not include but that you know will be important.

In addition, have conversations about the requirements from their school for progressing through the grades and eventually graduating. This is one place honest conversations need to be had. There may be requirements that you can’t defend or even that you acknowledge are silly, dumb, and/or a waste of time. Don’t deny this, but also let your child know you are not going to try to change them or cover for them if they don’t achieve those requirements. These are conversations I have all the time with my son who is a tenth grader (for more details on these conversations, see The Power-Responsibility Dynamic in My House blog post).

Eventually, you want a pretty comprehensive list of learning, growth, and development outcomes with which each child agrees. These will then be used during Part 2 of this process. Keep in mind, however, that the list will never be completely finished. Rather, each child should regularly reflect on the list and change it based on new discoveries, a changing future vision, changing circumstances, their actual growth and development, or any number of other reasons.

THE MEANS FOR GIVING CHILDREN TRUE POWER – PART 2

The next step is each child determining how they will demonstrate having achieved each learning, growth, and development outcome. This is one of the most substantial ways of giving power to children—allowing those children to determine how they will demonstrate what they’ve learned.

Anyone with real knowledge of assessments and data will tell you that multiple-choice tests have extremely low reliability in determining an individual’s actual knowledge and skills. Assessments that are reliable are too complex or time-consuming to be used in a traditional school model and, to be truly reliable, they must also be adaptable to account for individual child differences.

Because the process you’re going through is completely personalized for each child and their unique circumstances, there are almost no limitations to the nature and scope of the assessments being used. Thus, each child determines the way of demonstrating when they have achieved the desired level of mastery for each outcome. You should encourage them to figure out how to demonstrate multiple outcomes simultaneously. And you should encourage them to be creative in their demonstration methods.

Further, know that the list is never fully finalized; it should remain dynamic and be changed and adapted regularly as the student adapts their outcome list and learns more about each outcome area.

One bonus about this step of the process is that the mastery demonstration methods are also means of learning and practicing the knowledge and skills being developed.

THE MEANS FOR GIVING CHILDREN TRUE POWER – PART 3

The final step is having the children identify how they will learn the knowledge and develop the skills from Step 1. Much early research on “learning styles” has been debunked, but everyone does have preferences for how they learn different things. We also know from research that the more contexts and forms information takes when we are learning it, the better we retain that information and the more effectively we can recall and apply it.

As with the methods of demonstrating mastery, the methods of learning and developing should be diverse and appropriate to the child. In your role as consultant, you can provide numerous methods of which you’re aware and then invite the child to be creative in identifying other methods. One of the most important things to be thinking about here is that the learning need not be isolated by content or subject. In other words, students will identify far fewer learning methods than learning outcomes because each learning method should contribute to multiple learning outcomes.

In addition, children should look for opportunities to collaborate on their learning with others. Of course, during the times of “social distancing” for which this is being written, everyone is supposed to avoid gathering groups together. However, technology provides numerous ways to still collaborate with others and, when the COVID 19 crisis passes, in-person collaboration should be encouraged.

ONLINE COURSEWORK AND LEARNING

One of the greatest sources of information available is, of course, the Internet. There are classes, podcasts, videos, blogs, entire websites, and so much more related to nearly every topic. Of course, one has to be discriminating to make sure the information is accurate and appropriate, but it also must be accessible—not just technically, but within the developmental level of the student. Here again, each child can have power to determine what online sources can contribute toward achieving mastery of their outcomes (with appropriate guidance from their consultants).

The biggest caveat is recognizing that simply taking a bunch of online courses on various subjects has no more value than sitting through classes in a traditional school. Which is to say, some learning may occur, but it won’t be an effective use of time compared to engaging in activities that truly ignite the interests, emotions, and imagination of students. The Internet is an incredible resource, but it needs to be used as part of a more comprehensive process for students to learn, grow, and develop toward their real potential.

WHAT ASSURANCE IS THERE THIS WILL WORK?

None whatsoever. There are far too many variables to make any guarantees, but I am confident this is a no-lose situation. Just having conversations about learning, growth, and development with your kids will change the nature of your relationship and get everyone thinking about the dynamics of power and responsibility. You will become more aware of how these dynamics play out in all aspects of our lives. You will begin to see how everyone—adults and kids alike—can take greater control of their lives by focusing on those things over which they have true power and deemphasizing areas where power is limited or absent.

Ideally, over time your children will see they can take more and more power over their own learning, growth, and development and, in so doing, begin to exert real responsibility over the same. If their schools are not implementing extensive (or any) lesson plans and programs while out of school, your kids will have a great opportunity to truly exert this control. If the school does implement lessons and programs and maybe even requirements for time spent on school activities, these opportunities may be less. The same will be true when children go back to school. But the opportunities are still there. And just going through this will have lasting benefits.

WHERE TO LEARN MORE

I saved this for last because I’m not trying to hawk a product, but I figured if you read this far you may really want to know where to learn more. Everything noted above is derived from my research and work on reinventing public and private education. I am on a mission to do just that.

My book, Know Power, Know Responsibility: How to Unleash the Potential of Every Child in America, provides 26 reasons why it is imperative that we replace the current factory model of school. I then provide an example of what a reinvented school model could look like (and only what it COULD look like; one of my primary points is that every community must design its own model to meet its unique circumstances and needs). I follow that up with responses to all the “yeah, but…” reasons people will argue it can’t be done. Finally, I provide a guide to reinventing the school model in any community. The book collectively addresses many of the things discussed in the post above.

In addition, my website, knowresponsibility.com, has a number of resources including a case study that provides examples of what the above process could look like for a student.

Kirkus Review of Know Power, Know Responsibility

Posted on by Kevin Miller

Kirkus Reviews have completed and published their review of my book, Know Power, Know Responsibility.  I couldn’t be happier with the review.  I’m posting it here or read it at the Kirkus website linked here:

KIRKUS REVIEW

An education veteran offers a new vision for a holistic system of learning.

In this debut book, Miller presents a strategy for reinventing the learning environment that may be the first one inspired by the counterinsurgency tactics used in Afghanistan. The author argues that education reform requires the same kind of fundamental change to a “deeply entrenched and institutionalized” system. The work’s vision calls for replacing the current model of using sequential grades organized by age and following a standard curriculum—which Miller traces to an 1893 plan that established the current structure of education in the United States—with an individualized and project-based learning community in which students are responsible for setting their own goals under the guidance of mentors. The opening chapters explore the reasons for making changes to the system. Subsequent sections answer potential objections, present a case study of an ideal learning community in a fictional town, and guide readers through the process of implementing the author’s recommendations. Miller’s arguments are based on both personal experience and substantial research into the history of education and the psychology of learning (a bibliography is included). While he acknowledges that a fundamental overhaul of the education system may seem utopian, he makes a solid case for an individualized and comprehensive approach to the process that emphasizes learning rather than teaching. The case study is skillfully presented, and the guide to implementing systemic changes is thorough, thoughtful, and practical. Miller is a strong writer who assumes his readers are both open-minded and well intentioned (“You want to design a school model that results in every graduate having the traits, skills, and knowledge to thrive in the world of adults”), resulting in a compelling combination of optimism and realism. While the author’s dream of a completely transformed education system is one that will require the changing of minds and societal expectations, the work is a well-crafted and thought-provoking analysis of the structural shortcomings of the current designs of schools, classrooms, and assessments.

An effective, far-reaching argument for revamping the way students learn in the U.S.—Kirkus Reviews

Do we really want to get back to “normal”?

Posted on by Kevin Miller

“You can’t handle the truth”

“A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.”

These two quotes have been playing out in my mind a lot over the past few weeks. Even if you haven’t seen the movie “A Few Good Men”, you’ve probably heard the first quote. It comes to me whenever we’re facing a big challenge and people want to avoid hearing the truth because it doesn’t fit within their narrative of the world. The second quote is from the original “Men in Black” as Kay points out to Edwards (AKA Jay) that people collectively tend to freak out and panic when confronted with some overwhelming new reality, like space aliens living among us on Earth, though a person can be reasonable if learning this same info on their own.

I think the COVID 19 crisis has, in many ways, proven both quotes wrong. We have, collectively, accepted the truth of what the crisis means for our world and we’ve dealt with it in relative calm and with minimal panic, though the early hording of toilet paper, cleaning wipes, hand sanitizer, and water could argue otherwise.

That being said, after weeks of directed restrictions from governors and mayors and ever more dire predictions about the toll COVID 19 will have on our society, it is perfectly understandable people long for a return to “normal” life. But do we want the normal we had come to accept prior to the start of this pandemic?

There are certainly things I want back as they were—unrestricted travel, gatherings of as many people as want to share a space, hugs and handshakes, the ability to celebrate and mourn with those we love and care about, children on playgrounds, to name a few. But there are a few things happening now I would happily retain when this is over.

The greatest is the sense among most of us that we are in this together. Despite social distancing, we are bonding as a society in ways not seen since our past national tragedies of 9-11 and World War II. We have generally set aside our differences in order to battle the pandemic in hopes of reducing its eventual toll on our country and communities. We have pulled together to support those on the “front lines” of the battle from first responders to health care workers to grocery clerks.

When the pandemic passes and the threat from COVID 19 is minimal, do we want to return to the divisiveness and anger that had become our norm in recent decades?

I know I don’t. And I believe this crisis is the ideal opportunity to figure out how we can retain our sense of unity across society.

I have a unique perspective. I’m a US Army Soldier and a combat veteran with countless friends having a conservative ideology (and some a VERY conservative ideology). I am also a career K-12 educator, so I have countless friends with a liberal or progressive ideology (and some a VERY progressive ideology). Consequently, for years I’ve seen and heard how these ideologies get reinforced in ways that widen and deepen divisiveness on a daily basis.

At the same time, I know these people personally. We’ve experienced marriages, divorces, births, deaths, and other traumatic and life-altering situations together. What I’ve learned is they’re not all that different at their cores regardless of their politics and ideologies, and nearly every one of them is willing to make huge sacrifices to help those in need. In a larger crisis such as we’re facing now, those differences seem to melt away almost entirely.

The differences that continually arise when not facing a crisis are, in almost all cases, superficial. The disagreements stem from how we achieve our shared goals; and unfortunately, there are people who benefit from the divisiveness and they continually push the message that “the other side is evil and their methods will destroy us all.” They don’t want us to pull together, and as soon as this crisis passes, they will work to restore that divisive “normal.” Some will continue trying to do this even in the midst of the crisis. They want to feed our anger to keep us from actually thinking too deeply.

I have studied, written, and taught about power and how the loss of personal power affects one’s life and decisions. I understand why people almost crave opportunities to get angry at other people and lash out at their stupidity, laziness, carelessness, smugness, attitude, politics, etc. I was such a person and would tell myself I was justified in my anger about this or that. The anger and justification felt “good” and I even told myself it was healthy to let that anger simmer—since it was justified.

I sense that justification among those who vocally and sometimes militantly support or oppose some person, group, event, legislation, etc. Like me at those times, they are filling a void in their sense of power in this world. They feel powerless about things that really matter. They don’t feel they have any control over those important things and a lack of power and control is very stressful; it literally triggers the part of our brain that controls emotions, and it silences the part of our brain we use for thought and reason.

In such a state, we look for a means of gaining some sense of power and control, but we don’t do so thoughtfully; we do so emotionally. That, in turn, leads us to individuals and groups who are more than happy to supply that sense of power and control without actually giving us any power or control. They then feed our anger and justification so we need to be connected to them, even if they never actually provide us with anything of lasting value. They become our “dealers” providing a fix for our addiction to anger and sometimes even hatred.

Of course, there are just as many individuals and groups against whom our anger rages. They provide a sense of power and control for those we oppose while providing a foil for us. They become the “enemy” against whom we can focus our anger. They provide the constant justification for our anger to exist.

It is true a crisis such as the current pandemic also creates stress and a sense of lost power and control, except this crisis affects everyone regardless of their demographics, politics, or ideologies; there are few “them” against whom to direct our anger. Instead, we recognize that others share our sense of stress and loss of control so we empathize and seek to comfort and help each other. We may still direct anger toward a select few, but mostly these are distant figures and groups like elected officials or the media or some other country.

And even if we do get a little angry, we mostly recognize that no one is truly to blame for the actual virus or the less-than-stellar response. Like the 9/11 attacks, we may be frustrated because “someone” should have seen it coming and done something, but we recognize that it was so unexpected and so unlike anything we’ve seen that we know few of us would have believed it possible or supported the steps needed to avoid it—until it had actually happened. And like 9/11 as well as tornados, hurricanes, floods, wild fires, and other natural disasters, the pandemic is bringing out the best in people and causing us to set aside our differences.

So, how do we make that become our new normal when this is all over? How do we keep from getting sucked back into the partisan chasm that consumes the time and energy of those it engages while alienating most of the rest of us?

The answer is to treat it like the addiction it really is and the first step is acknowledging we have it. When we are caught up in the partisan rhetoric, the anger, the hatred, we cannot recognize we’re there. Even when friends and people we respect and trust point out how unreasonable we’re being or how we’re being manipulated, we put up our barriers. And when one of “our” group members raises concerns about the group’s or leader’s actions, we accuse them of being traitors and liars.

Like any kind of addict, we find ways to justify our actions and decisions until, as has truly happened in our country, we actually sever life-long friendships and “disown” beloved relatives because they disagreed with our ideology or our political party or our candidate of choice.

I for one believe this divisiveness we’ve suffered for the past few decades has held us back as a nation and society, and I believe if we can keep it at bay following the current crisis, we can both be better prepared for future crises and we can start to solve the vast majority of our biggest challenges.

But we must first admit the divisiveness is a problem and agree that we all play a part. We can’t point fingers and blame others and wait for them to change first. Instead, we each have to do our part. And we each have to be prepared for those who will want us to return to our addiction—our dealers—those who stand to profit in some way from keeping us at each other’s throats.

How can we do that? The answer lies in integrity, trust, critical thinking, and courage. We must each have the integrity to follow our core values; and these core values are ones we all share—honesty, respect, responsibility, fairness, and compassion. These are truly universal values as shown by the work of Rushworth Kidder in his book Moral Courage.

We must be willing to put trust in those we know and to whom we’re close and hold accountable those who violate our trust, even when they claim to be doing so in our best interest.

We must practice critical thinking, which means we reflect on the things we read and hear in search of the real truth and not just the spin or filtered “facts” that support our biases.

Finally, we must have the courage to show integrity, trust others, and practice critical thinking because we will inevitably have to face a reckoning now and then. We will find out that we have been wrong at times. We will find that we’ve been manipulated on occasion. We will find that we have biases that are actually counter to our values. We will find that we have been unfair or worse to people who didn’t deserve such treatment and we must have the courage to admit this to ourselves and, where appropriate, to others, as well as to make amends when necessary.

If we are willing to begin doing these things and make a commitment to getting better at them and making them a priority going forward, not just in the midst of this crisis, we will build individual and collective shields against those who would manipulate us and try to turn us against each other.

I have to emphasize one point again—we cannot wait for others to “go first.” We must each make this commitment and follow through regardless of whether or not others do. And one of the best things you can do once you make this commitment is to simply not engage with those who will try to draw out your anger and biases. If you have to respond to someone, respond with love and humor. Look beyond their anger and biases to the value-sharing human behind those emotions. Refuse to fuel these flames and eventually they will burn out on their own. It won’t be easy, and it will require patience. And we’re all likely to falter on occasion. That’s okay. Recognize it; learn from it; and refocus on your commitment.

Consider the shared commitment we have right this moment, in the midst of this crisis, and the way it has allowed us to adapt our world to save ourselves, our families and friends, and total strangers from the effects of COVID 19. Imagine what we could accomplish—Imagine the challenges we could overcome in our world—if we could maintain that shared commitment when the current crisis is over. I’m making that commitment and I’m going to continue sharing ideas and thoughts that can help us better understand how to make this our new normal. Are you willing to join me on this journey? Are you willing to share this message with others and ask them to join us on this journey?

Redux—Unleashing Every Child’s Potential During the COVID 19 Crisis

Posted on by Kevin Miller

My previous post shares ways the learning, growth, and development of children can actually be better while they are being held home than what it was while attending school every day . At the heart of that process is having the children identify what they need to learn, how they will demonstrate their desired level of mastery, and the ways they will develop that mastery.

One thing I discuss in the post is incorporating the requirements they have from their schools or that are part of state requirements. I’ve seen more and more postings in Facebook from parents who are struggling to figure out how to get their children to meet the requirements that are now being directed by school districts. In addition to not having teaching experience and not being trained to help children through the education process, many parents are trying to work from home themselves. They have job responsibilities and expectations to meet while also trying to ensure their children meet the school’s expectations and requirements.

One other interesting dynamic was in a news article noting how some districts want their teachers who are going to be directing student instruction from home to do so without the distraction of caring for their own children. The districts are telling the teachers to get child care for their own children so they can focus on their students. Which is to say, they are faced with the same challenge as other folks working from home.

GIVING POWER TO YOUR CHILDREN TO GIVE YOU SPACE

The earlier post on unleashing children’s power can also relieve pressure on parents to be in charge of the children’s education and to feel the need to continually monitor what they’re doing. Many parents will still want to do this, but that will be counter-productive. Instead, parents can do periodic check-ins to see the progress being made toward mastery of the learning goals their children have established.

This is where the open, honest conversations become so important. By discussing the schools’ expectations and requirements with your children, you can help them take ownership of fulfilling them. The traditional approach would be to tell your children the requirements or look over them together and then either direct them to get them done or set up a schedule or plan for doing so. Unfortunately, this will only be as successful as their willingness to comply. In many cases, parents will end up creating rewards and/or consequences to increase compliance.

Instead, have conversations such as recommended in the previous post helping your children come to terms with the need to meet these expectations, even if they can’t see the actual value of the activities being required. And be honest when you see activities that don’t seem to have significant (or maybe any) value for your children. Point out that we all face these situations, often in our jobs and even in relationships and other situations. If you are working from home, draw parallels with what you are expected to do to meet your business’ expectations and requirements.

HELPING CHILDREN FIND VALUE IN SCHOOLS’ VIRTUAL REQUIREMENTS

The aspect of being honest with your children in these efforts includes admitting when you don’t see or understand the rationale behind some school requirements. Use that to have a real, meaningful conversation with your children. Work together to come up with reasons for the requirement that seem possible to you, but then also reach out to the teachers to ask for explanations. Don’t reach out in an accusatory manner, but rather say that by understanding the reasons, the children will be more willing to take ownership of the activities. You could even point them toward my posts and tell them I’m the trouble-maker who suggested doing this. If you want to make this more powerful, have your child be the one who does the asking. In this supplemental post, I’ll be sharing some examples of having done this with my own children.

One caveat—schools and teachers vary a great deal in their understanding and acceptance of having students who are willing to challenge the learning goals and activities. Many will be thrilled students are taking this ownership; others will want students to just accept it and do the work. This is another place for having honest conversations with your children, including when it’s appropriate to push back and when it’s best to bite the bullet and get past this teacher. For me, as much as I want to sometimes, I will not fight my son’s battles in these instances; I will back him up if needed, but he has to raise the concerns and issues with the teacher if he feels it is necessary.

You may find that some teachers are willing to accept student developed alternative learning activities and mastery demonstrations rather than those the teacher developed, if they are sufficiently related to the respective classes. They should realize, or you or your children could point out to them, that the students will learn and retain a great deal more if they establish the learning plan than if they are just going through the motions of someone else’s plan. So, it pays to also discuss with your children their ideas for how to achieve the teachers’ intents for each class rather than just accept what is directed.

THE STRANGE, NEW PARENT-CHILD DYNAMIC

As noted in the earlier post, one of the keys to all this working is that the adults must relinquish power to their children, and I suggest reading the book The Self-Driven Child for more guidance on doing this. There is no question this changes the parent-child dynamic and is sort of the opposite of helicopter or snow-plow parenting.

One of the greatest benefits of this approach is preparing children to be both independent and interdependent. They gain confidence in their ability to be in charge of themselves, to navigate new situations, and to make their own decisions on matters of substance. This is independence. They also learn that they can take risks, fail, and have those who care about them ready to provide support when needed; this is interdependence.

This is also hard on parents who never want to see their children suffer or feel any sort of pain or disappointment. Yet it is occasional suffering, pain, and disappointment that bring the greatest joy and pleasure to our successes. My experience is that the rewards of seeing my children make their own choices, plan their own course in life, rebound from mistakes and stumbles, and bask in the successes for which they were responsible is spine-tingling. It is without a doubt worth any discomfort, pain, or sadness I felt watching them battle challenges. Most importantly, I have absolute confidence that they will be ready for anything life throws at them. That means I will be able to enjoy my later years doing things I enjoy without worrying that I have to watch over my adult children. This is your opportunity to prepare your children in such a way as well. I hope you’ll take advantage of it.

Launch of Know Power, Know Responsibility LLC

Posted on by Kevin Miller

Know Power, Know Responsibility LLC (KPKR) was formed to serve as a hub for exploring the relationship between power and responsibility and the corresponding connection between these and unleashing the potential of individuals and groups. All of this stemmed from my book, Know Power, Know Responsibility, that was written to foster reinvention of public education.

Yes, that’s a lot of power and responsibility, but it seems that multiple times every day I encounter situations and stories that reinforce the insights I’ve developed about this connection. It is my hope that KPKR and this website become a means for others to learn about this connection, understand how it can be leveraged to address a variety of challenges–from personal to local to global–and to contribute their ideas, insights, and questions.

There are many specific connections and insights I will be exploring through these posts, and I will also be trying to show the connections to current events, situations, and stories that arise. In the end, my purpose in all these efforts is to help individuals better understand the power to which they have access while helping groups see how they can leverage shared power in a phenomenal “total is greater than the sum of the parts” way.

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